


Shoulda been my forever

by buk19



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Depression, Established Relationship, F/F, Heartbreak, Loss of Virginity, Post-Break Up, Sad Lexa, Smut, Writer Clarke, actress lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:34:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8274679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buk19/pseuds/buk19
Summary: Clarke is a bestselling author and Lexa is an famous actress. They pair dated for years before Lexa hastily broke up with Clarke. Clarke wrote a book about their love story that became such a big hit that Lexa coincidentally played the role of herself in the film. Now the two exes are put back together to do a 'no questions off limits' interview on a popular talk show celebrating the book's ten year anniversary. Have they truly moved on? What really happened all those years ago? And will they ever get back together?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! Here's the first part of a small little story I've had on my mind. I don't have time to edit so I hope it's okay the way it is. Apologies for any mistakes! I'm excited for this one.

“Hello lovely fans, I'm Indra Porter and this is the moment many of you have been waiting for. Lexa Woods and Clarke Griffin reunited again!” The crowd erupts in cheers. Back in the day, ‘team Clexa’ was trending all over social media when the book and film came out. The book made Clarke’s career and the film made Lexa’s. I suppose you could say it was a beautifully tragic parting gift between the pair. Amazingly enough, the pair have rarely been spotted in each other's presence since nearly ago when they broke up, only weeks before Clarke finished the book about their love.

_Ten Years Ago_

_Clarke and Lexa have been fighting a lot lately. The bills are piling up. Clarke is 22 year old and a fresh out of college graduate with crippling debt and a fancy Creative Writing degree from NYU. Meanwhile, Lexa barely finished high school but moved with her girlfriend to the big city 4 years ago when Clarke got accepted to her top college choice. Lexa and Clarke have been dating for 6 years now._

_Lexa decided she wanted to be an actress about three years ago and has found relative success. She has had a few stints on some well known television shows and a main role in a B rated horror film but nothing too substantial._

_“Baby, I’m home.” Clarke calls out and makes her way to the kitchen. Clarke spends most of her days writing at a coffee shop a few blocks down or Central Park. The blonde also works at said coffeeshop full time and picks up as many shifts as she can to help pay for their hole in a wall apartment. Lexa works nights as a bartender and goes to auditions everyday. Their schedules are so different that they barely see each other. And when they do see each other, lately, Lexa constantly picks a fight with Clarke._

_Lexa sleeps more and more and is always fatigued. She can’t concentrate most of the time. She feels lost, disillusioned. Lexa feels overwhelmed in sadness and feels as if her future is hopeless. And then there’s Clarke. Clarke is a ball of positivity. Clarke smiles and loves her, even when she snaps at the blonde (which happens more often than not these days). But Clarke just keeps coming back for more. She loves the brunette so much and decides to put all her effort in mending this rough patch. Both of them are stressed out because of their finances and work schedules and what not, but they will get back on track. They have to. They’re Clarke and Lexa. They can get through anything._

_“Baby?” Clarke calls out again and walks into their small bedroom. Lexa is sitting on the bed with her suitcase next to her. Clarke’s stomach immediately twists into a million knots. By the look on Lexa’s face, she knows that the love of her life is about to walk out that door and not come back._

_“Lexa..what is this?” Clarke whispers, her eyes in a frenzy of fear and overwhelming desperation._

_“I’m leaving Clarke.” Lexa says, her voice as cold as ice._

_“Wha-where? Where are you going?” Clarke feels like every icey word out of her girlfriend’s mouth is like a bullet to the chest. Lexa’s eyes are empty, devoid of any emotion._

_“London. I was offered a supporting role in a movie there.”_

_“Wait a second, Lex, I don’t understand what’s happening right now. Slow down please. Explain this to me. Okay?” Clarke is trying so hard to wrap her head around the situation. She’s not blowing up at the brunette and it’s making Lexa furious. Clarke is just too good, she reasons. She’ll need to put on a real good show to push the blonde away._

_“I am moving to London, Clarke. My flight is in two hours. I figured I should let you know. I’ll pay half the rent for three months so that gives you plenty of time to find a new roommate.” Lexa gets up and moves to leave the bedroom but Clarke blocks her way._

_“Can you please move out of the way? I have a flight to catch.” Lexa says coldly._

_“No! Lexa will you just fucking stop?! Whatever this is isn’t funny.” Clarke yells, emotional at the prospect of her one and only love walking out on her with little to no word on why._

_“You think this is a joke? No Clarke, the real joke is that you thought we had any type of future. We were a bullshit high school relationship that stretched on for too long. Let’s just cut our losses and move on.”_

_“Stop that Lexa! Are you really trying to diminish our 6 years of loving each other as a ‘bullshit high school relationship’?!” Clarke sobs out, her emotions getting the best of her.  
“Don’t leave me. I know we’ve been fighting but it’s going to get better. I can be better. Baby I promise. Please.”_

_Lexa shakes her head, not willing to believe that things will get better. She’s been living in a fantasy land the past six years. Clarke is too good for her and it’s finally catching up to her. She doesn’t want to drag Clarke down with her. She feels useless and broken like never before. She refuses to continue being this angry bitter person to the one she loves. She refuses to be the reason behind the daily hurt in Clarke’s eyes anymore. It might be hard and first but Lexa can only hope the blonde will get over her. She can only hope that Clarke can finally have the life she deserves._

_“I’m sorry. This is for the best.” Lexa tragically mumbles out, refusing to make eye contact with her face shade of blue one final time, before walking out the door._

_“Lexa! Get back here! Lexa!” Clarke falls to the floor, crying hysterically. These last few months Lexa has been very angry and snippy but she’s never said such hurtful things as she is today. Clarke is positive this is a nightmare because surely her Lexa can’t be treating her this way. No way in hell that Lexa would leave like this. But she just did. And now both girls are left to fight their demons in the dark and more importantly, alone._

__

The music starts and Lexa confidently walks on stage. She smiles at all the right moments and waves to the audience because hugging the talk show host Indra and sitting down on the couch, leaving ample space for Clarke. Clarke. The love of her life. God, it’s been too long since she’s seen the blonde in person. Too long since they last touched. Too long since she knew Clarke’s skin like braille. Clarke was it for Lexa. And that’s exactly why Lexa let her go.

Lexa bottles up her nervousness as Indra introduces Clarke and similar music starts playing. Lexa feels like she’s about to explode. Everything else drowns out when she sees a flash of blonde and blue walking towards her. She’s like a goddess, her Clarke. Except she hasn’t been _Lexa’s _Clarke for a long time now.__

__Clarke finally meets her gaze after what seems to be an eternity. Her eyes look colder, harsher than the soft azure waves that used to paint Lexa’s everyday with love and affection. Lexa feels a shiver go up her spine as Clarke walks towards her to sit down. Before all of this, Lexa was able to distinguish Clarke’s feelings quite well just by looking into her eyes. But now. Now Lexa has no idea what Clarke is thinking or feeling and that realization sinks her heart a little deeper into darkness. Because it means that she truly doesn’t know Clarke anymore. Lexa is merely a phantom of Clarke’s past with no potential for a space in her heart again in the present or future._ _

__Lexa can feel all the emotions swirling in her head wildly battling her to come out but she swallows them down as she always does._ _

__“So ladies, let’s start off light. When was the last time you two saw each other?”_ _

__“Well we briefly saw each other at the film release 9 years ago.” Clarke said and it’s the first time she hears Clarke’s beautiful raspy voice in so many years. Except Clarke is lying. They saw each other 5 years ago. And a year before that. And 7 months before that. Their ‘slip ups’ are random but as the years go by, they happen less and less. The memories of their true last time together comes flooding back to Lexa like a jackhammer to the head._ _

_5 Years Ago_

_Clarke is in London again for her international book tour and Lexa is all nerves. Clarke texted her asking if she’d like to grab a drink after her book signing and Lexa readily agreed. She hasn’t seen Clarke in a year since the last time she was in Manhattan. Clarke and Lexa broke up 6 years ago but whenever they find themselves in the same city, they find each other in their beds. It just happens that way. Neither have been in long term relationships since they broke up all those years ago. Lexa hopes that maybe someday they will have more than the fleeting touches of one or two fiery emotional nights again. Maybe someday they will be each other's forever’s again. She knows it’s not healthy to hold onto the past but she can’t help it when the past is so gorgeous and in her town asking to go for a drink. She’ll let herself be weak once more. She’s always weak for Clarke Griffin and that’s exactly why she’s sitting in the corner of a dark hotel bar waiting for her weakness to walk through the day._

_“Lexa.” Clarke huskily whispers out and it’s like a breathe of fresh air enters Lexa’s lungs after months of no air._

_“Klark.” Lexa breathes out in awe of the beauty in front of her. Clarke’s hair is shorter and pink now. Her hair is different than the long blonde locks she used to tangle her long slender fingers in during their intimate moments, but she still loves it all the more. Clarke slides into the booth across from Lexa, a drink already in her hand._

_“How have you been?” Clarke quietly asks, a hint of joy in her voice. Lexa tells herself she shouldn’t hope that joy in Clarke’s voice means she still loves her._

_“I’ve been good.” Lexa takes a long swig of her beer before continuing. “I’m in talks to film this new action film. The script is amazing but I’ll have to live in New Zealand during filming.”_

_Clarke listens and swallows down her disappointment yet again. Lexa is never in one place for too long. She knows she has no right to be disappointed but she can’t help that suffocating feeling from flooding back whenever she hears that Lexa is leaving for another film. She knows her feelings are insane since they don’t even live in the same country anymore. Clarke shakes off her emotions as per usual and paints a false smile on her face. Lexa doesn’t notice the smile is fake like she used to and Clarke’s heart cracks a little more. Lexa used to always notice everything about her just as she still notices every little detail about Lexa, from the way her nose crinkles when she’s confused to the sad puppy dog pout in her eyes when Clarke ate the last poptart._

_“That’s nice. I’m sure you’ll do great.” Clarke sincerely says and Lexa nods. The air is awkward. The last two ‘slip ups’ weren’t planned like this. They bumped to each other at parties both times. This one was all Clarke’s doing and Lexa wasn’t sure if she should be terrified or excited at the fact._

_“Thanks C. How have you been?” Lexa asks, trying to sound casual._

_“Well actually I’ve be-”_

_“Oh my god! Is that Lexa Woods?!” A drunken slur from the front of the bar cuts Clarke’s unsure timid voice off. Lexa frowns for she knows that Clarke is pulling away now. Her eyes aren’t as bright as a moment ago._

_“I’m so sorry.” Lexa tries to apologize but all the faces in the bar are on them now. Clarke shields her face so that they aren’t seen. She certainly doesn’t need this out in the tabloids._

_“It’s okay. Can we..I mean do you mind if we go up to my hotel room? It’s more private to talk.” Clarke hurriedly says, her nerves getting the best of her._

_“Definitely. Uhh lead the way.” Lexa swallows. Does Clarke really want to talk or is this another night of sex to be forgotten once the sun rises? Does Clarke want to get back together? Lexa wants that more than anything but the problems she once had are still and always will be relevant in her life. She wants Clarke to have a good life and she just can’t give that to her. It’s why she left in the first place. But maybe..maybe this is their chance. Maybe their someday is right now._

_They get up to Clarke’s room in relative silence. The blonde writer switches the lights on and motions for Lexa to sit on the edge of the bed._

_“So what did you want to talk about?” Lexa tries to keep her face neutral as she has no way where this conversation is going._

_Clarke paces the floor a little before speaking. “Do you want a drink?” Clarke deflects from Lexa’s question._

_“Um yeah sure.”_

_“Okay. Beer?” Clarke fake cheerily says._

_“Sure..” Lexa slowly says._

_Clarke sits down next to Lexa with one beer and one water bottle in her hands._

_“You’re not drinking?” Lexa lightly asks, trying to change the subject and calm Clarke down._

_Clarke shuts her eyes and shakes her head. When she opens her eyes, Lexa can see the fear and sadness in them._

_“Hey hey what’s wrong?” Lexa puts her beer down near the floor and cups Clarke’s cheeks which now are stained with her tears._

_“God I’ve missed your touch.” Clarke breathes out and presses her forehead against Lexa’s._

_“I’ve missed this too.” Lexa softly smiles as she tucks her ex’s blonde strands of hair behind her ears. Lexa inhales deeply. It’s now or never. It’s time to get everything off her chest. Her maybe someday will never come unless she puts herself on the line._

_“Clarke listen..I made a mistake all those years ago. I was young and dumb and I -”_

_“Lex please don’t.” Clarke weakly says, trying to break from Lexa’s caress._

_“No Clarke please listen to me. I .. I still lov-” Lexa is cut off mid declaration of her love but a salty desperate kiss. Lexa gasps into the kiss and immediately pours all her love in her ex’s lips. Before Lexa can deepen the kiss, Clarke jumps off the bed like she’s been burned._

_“I shouldn’t have done that.” Clarke guiltily whispers as she grabs onto her lips as if she’s checking if they’re real._

_“Why not?” Lexa defiantly says, swallowing back her nervousness as she pushes herself off the bed full force and towards the blonde beauty in front of her. Lexa cups Clarke’s cheeks and wipes away her tears before softly speaking. “I made a mistake all those years ago leaving you. I said horrible things to you when I broke up with you and I’m so sorry for that Clarke. I’ve been living my life hollow these past six years without you. Every word I said to you that day wasn’t true. I thought you’d be better without me. I want another chance, if you’ll have me. I’ll fight for your love everyday. Remember when you told me that life was about more than just surviving? Well I get it now and I need you and I think you need me too. I never stopped loving you and I never will. Take a chance with me C.”_

_“I can’t.” Clarke sobs out, her bottom lip trembling and her eyes bore a hole into Lexa’s soul. Lexa felt the last of her heart break in those words._

_“I can be better.” Lexa furiously wipes her own tears away. She has to try harder, be better, love stronger. “No please, we aren’t over. Don’t tell me this is over. I love you Clarke. I - I..please let me in. I promise you I’ll never leave again.” Lexa desperately says, as she gets on her knees and wraps her arms around Clarke’s waist. She’s clutching onto Clarke as if she can hold her tight enough so that she never leaves. Because if Clarke walks out that door so does Lexa’s last bit of hope for anything good in her life. She might not have had Clarke this past 6 years but she has lived in the fantasies of a ‘maybe someday’ with her again. If Clarke rejects her now, she will have nothing left of the blonde. Nothing left at all, really._

_“Lexa..why now?? You broke my heart six years ago. You had so much time and now that I’ve finally..” Clarke cuts off her words and shakes her head._

_“Now that you’ve what Clarke?” Lexa whispers, afraid of what might come out of the love of her life’s mouth next. Clarke ignores her and paces the hotel room yet again._

_“Clarke? Now that you’ve what?” Lexa probes cautiously._

_“I’m pregnant!” Clarke screams out and stops pacing. The silence is deafening as the remnant of Lexa’s shattered heart are pulverized to dust._

_“You’re...pregnant.” Lexa draws the words out slowly as if they’re foreign to her._

_“That’s why I came here. I wanted to be the one to tell you.” Clarke sincerely states, her tears still flowing freely. “And plus, I really did miss you.”_

_Lexa’s eyes are empty as is the chest that used to hold her heart. She sits at the edge of the bed. There’s a ringing in her ear and her senses are numbed a tad. She wonders briefly if she could actually die of a broken heart._

_“Who’s the father?” Lexa defeatedly croaks out._

_“His name is Roan. We met about 8 months ago when I was taking Raven to one of her appointments for her leg at the hospital. He works as a trauma surgeon there.”_

_“Is he good to you?” The brunette asks, her mind still reeling from the news. No matter what though, Clarke’s well being comes first. She needs to know that Roan treats her right._

_“Yes. He loves me.” Clarke whispers the last part as if she’s betraying Lexa just by saying the words._

_“Do you..” Lexa swallows back her sobs. She refuses to break down right now. “Do you love him?”_

_Clarke sadly smiles and sits next to Lexa on the bed. The blonde caresses one of Lexa’s now wet cheeks. Lexa looks into Clarke’s eyes, awaiting to hear the blonde’s raspy vocal chords break her heart tonight once more._

_“Not like I love you. You were it for me Lex. Everyone else is second rate compared to you. You’re the love of my life. I will never be able to copy my love for you. My heart will always be yours.” Clarke whispers as she rests her head against the foreheads._

_Lexa wants to cry. She knows she screwed this up all those years ago but she thought she had a chance to fix everything. She thought she had a chance to spend forever with her Clarke. But she fucked up and now Clarke’s gone._

_“Maybe our love was just too much. Too bright, yeah? Maybe if we stayed together, it would have wound up destroying us. Maybe we loved too much.” Clarke says, halfheartedly trying to trick both of them into believing that but Lexa shakes her head at her word._

_“No, you’re wrong. Our love was what made us strong. My love for you is endless C. I’m sorry I didn’t show you that.”_

_Clarke cries harder as Lexa holds her, soothing and calming the blonde._

_“I wanted a life for us. Me and you forever. I wanted that so much.” Clarke cries into Lexa’s shoulder. This is really it. This is the end of them for good. A baby and a marriage with someone else. Clarke is starting a new chapter in her life and there is no place for her Lexa Woods. And where will Lexa go from here? She doesn’t know. All she knows is that tonight is the last night she can hold the blonde in her arms. They can cry about their ‘what if’ life and lost love in each other’s warmth until reality washes upon as quick as a sunrise._

_“I know. I know. Shh I know.” Lexa lovingly strokes Clarke’s back. They cry into each other's arms and fall asleep hours later, dehydrated and a little more broken. Lexa wakes up first. For a moment when she wakes, she thinks she’s dreaming still and smiles at the beauty sharing her body heat with her. Then she remembers. Her memories of the night prior washes upon her and her smile dissipates. Clarke’s eyes are still puffy but her sleeping face is seems at peace for the moment. Lexa takes a mental picture of her ex’s beauty and lovingly kisses her forehead. The heartbroken actress schooches down to the sleeping blonde’s stomach and softly whispers to her love’s unborn child with her new lover._

_“Take care of her for me.”_

_And with that Lexa reluctantly forces herself from the bed and leaves the hotel room, knowing that her and Clarke’s love story has finally come to a close. She’s sure the finality of the night takes away a piece of her soul, but it’s also as if a weight has been lifted. She may be hollow but tomorrow is another day. She promises herself she will find purpose and happiness again tomorrow._

__

“So we did a poll online last week asking fans which question, they wanted us to ask you two about the book. And according to our poll, fans would like to know if that lake scene after Lexa’s graduation actually happened like that. Care to share the juicy details ladies?” Indra smirked, knowing very well that her question would send blushes to both women’s faces..and surely it did. The lake scene was the most explicit sex scene in the movie so of course all the fans loved the action. 

“In all honesty, the moments Lexa and I shared at the lake were much more intimate than the movie portrayed. It was a huge step in our relationship and it really cemented our...our love.” Clarke says evenly, trying so hard to stay collected. She hopes to God that nobody picked up on her stuttering at the end of her sentence. Lexa looks over at Clarke, the girl who she’s been in love with since she was 18 years old and remembers how it all began.

High school sweethearts Woods and Griffin started dating back in high school when Clarke, a nerdy sophomore, was assigned as Lexa’s literature tutor. Lexa might have been two years older than Clarke and a senior but Clarke was much more advanced in writing and reading than the brunette. Clarke was a quiet book enthusiast who kept her head low and walked through the halls with little confidence. Meanwhile, Lexa was confident in her long strides and had a nonchalant attitude when it came to her studies. Lexa was in and out of the foster care system her whole childhood and had no expectations for her future career. Lexa lived in the moment and Clarke lived in the future. They were quite the pair.

Lexa Woods was loved in the school. She had this charming personality that everyone adored. Everyone envied her (even though her grades and attendance was shit). Since they were from a small town, Lexa was the only out and proud girl in their high school. Clarke could never find the right words when talking to the older brunette. Lexa made her nervous. She dated some older college sophomore Costia Potters during her junior year. She was relaxed and didn’t need to plan every moment. And she was drop dead gorgeous. Her eyes were entrancing to Clarke. 

After a few months, Clarke and Lexa found themselves meeting up beyond their tutoring sessions. One night, Lexa kissed Clarke after they saw the first Scream movie in theaters. It was Clarke’s first kiss with anyone. The blonde blushed furiously when Lexa tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her cute little ears and said that she ‘had fun on their date.’ Clarke didn’t even know they were on a date, but she certainly knew now. Her and Lexa dated for 2 months before they made it official. Clarke wasn’t ready to tell her parents for another 3 months and wasn’t ready to have sex for another 4 months. Lexa wasn’t a virgin as she dated Costia for a few months, but Clarke was. For Clarke, sex was a big deal and she wasn’t comfortable enough with her own body. After her Lexa’s high school graduation though, they went to the lake and made love under the stars. It was completely cliche but it was perfect for them. 

“Did the car really end up in the lake though?” Indra asks with a smile painted on her face.

“Oh yes. That definitely happened.” Lexa cuts in with a chuckle and Clarke can’t help but smile either.

_16 Years Ago_

_Clarke and Lexa are in the backseat of Clarke’s convertible with the top down. They are heatedly making out. Lexa is on top of Clarke, grinding down on the blonde’s bare leg. Clarke sucks and nibbles on her girlfriend’s bottom lip and matches Lexa’s movements. Things are heating up rather quickly. They decided to come out to the lake to celebrate Lexa graduating high school by the skin of her teeth. She barely made it but she got her diploma. That’s more than anyone in her family ever did and she can’t be more proud of herself. Neither can Clarke apparently. Clarke somehow managed to convince the principal to give her a front row seat to Lexa’s graduation (even though those seats are for important figures like the Mayor and school board officials)._

_Lexa lightly massages Clarke’s generous breasts through the blonde’s navy blue sundress. This is usually as far as the two go, some grinding and over the clothes groping. It hasn’t gone much farther than that and Lexa is completely okay with it. Don’t get her wrong, Lexa loves sex. She just loves Clarke more._

_Clarke takes Lexa’s hand and moves it lower on her body until it is on the hot skin of her upper thigh where the hem of her dress is slightly riding up. Lexa furiously kisses Clarke and speeds up her movements, excited to where this might be going._

_“Lex.” Clarke pants out in between kisses. “I’m ready.”_

_Lexa pulls back with black eyes hooded with lust. “Are you sure?”_

_Clarke nods her head with a small smile on her face and all the affection for Lexa Woods in the world encapsulated in her bluest of blue eyes. “Yes I’m sure. I want to give myself to you Lexa. I want to be yours.”_

_Lexa smiles because she knows that even without the sex, she has always been Clarke’s. Clarke will always hold her heart. “I’m already yours.” Lexa whispers the words to Clarke’s swollen lips as she gently guides her hand to Clarke’s panties. Clarke deepen the kiss as Lexa slowly strokes Clarke’s sex over her thin lacey underwear. The blonde’s wetness seeping through slightly. Clarke whimpers at the sensation. Lexa pulls off the blonde’s underwear and gently explores her girlfriend’s wet folds._

_“Oh” is all Clarke says at the new feeling at Lexa’s long slender fingers rubbing her with delicate pressure. It’s a nice feeling, Clarke decides and allows the tingly feeling in her stomach to consume her. Lexa can feel Clarke get worked up and decides to move away from her clit and retract her hand completely. Her girlfriend whines at the loss of touch and pouts like a small child. Lexa heartily laughs and kisses her love’s furrowed brow._

_“Patience my love. I’m just getting started with you.”_

_Lexa unzips Clarke’s dress and pushes it up and off the blonde, leaving her in a matching lacy bra and nothing else. Lexa’s mouth waters at the sight of Clarke’s heaving chest caged in black lace that soon enough would be in between her teeth. Lexa’s mouth gravitates to her girlfriend’s swells and nips and sucks like there is no tomorrow. She unclasps Clarke’s bra and barely holds back her groan of pleasure when she sees her girlfriend’s perfectly pink nipples._

_When Lexa takes on of her breasts in her mouth, expertly swirling her tongue around her nipple, Clarke swears she can see stars. In that moment, Clarke has no idea why she wait so long to be this close to Lexa physically. The second Lexa releases her breast with a wet popping sound though she remembers her answer within green eyes. Clarke didn’t just want physical closeness, she was an unbreakable emotional bond. And that’s exactly what the two girls now share, both absolute physical and emotional intimacy that some many never experience in their lives._

_“Take your clothes off too.” Clarke husks out and Lexa readily nods. The older brunette sheds her fancy clothes from graduation, leaving her completely and utterly bare. Clarke chokes back a moan when she feels Lexa’s bare skin against her own. Lexa brings her fingers back to Clarke’s sex, slowly working up the girl underneath her again. Their movement against one another becomes faster paced by the second. Lexa’s head is burrowed into Clarke’s neck as she grinds on Clarke, finding some pleasure for herself as she builds up Clarke’s orgasm with her fingers._

_“Are you ready?” Lexa whispers into Clarke’s skin, while pressing hard open mouthed kisses to her neck._

_“Yes. Fuck… yes.” Clarke lets out a breathy moan. She’s on the edge and Lexa knows it._

_Lexa gently pushes one finger into Clarke’s entrance, causing her love to suck in a deep breath and shut her eyes tighter. Once Lexa is sure that the initial pain has subsided, she starts moving her finger inside the girl. She plunges in and out and in and out, reverently watching Clarke unravel further and further. Clarke comes with ‘I love yous’ flowing from her tongue._

_Both girls are so overwhelmed by how much they feel right now. Lexa has never felt this close to anyone. The older girl sheds a single tear from the sheer emotions of it all. Clarke and Lexa press their foreheads together as they catch their breaths. Clarke’s breathing following her first orgasm ever slowly comes back to normal as she smiles with hazy satisfied eyes up at Lexa._

_“If I knew that getting my diploma would have gotten me in your pants, I would have done it a long time ago.” Lexa teases and Clarke lightly pushes her. Lexa and Clarke’s naked bodies are intertwined, with Lexa comfortably lying on top of the blonde. Lexa smiles down and the giggling girl underneath her. She can’t believe she’s so lucky. She can’t believe she gets to call Clarke hers._

_“I’m kidding. I love you so much I would have waited until the end of our days. I just need you here with me, that’s all I care about.” Lexa sincerely says, a faint smile forming on her face as she rests her sweaty forehead on Clarke’s chest._

_“You are the best thing to ever happen to me Lexa Woods. You are the love of my life. My one and only.” Clarke breathes out the words as she strokes Lexa’s naked tattooed back._

_Lexa lifts her head and closes the distance between her lips and Clarke’s. She kisses the younger girl passionately and deeply. Soon enough, Lexa has Clarke moaning and screaming her name for the second time that night._

_“Lex! Jesus .. oh oh umph I’m gonna come agh” Clarke mewls out as her hands fly out to grab onto anything sturdy while she orgasms. The blonde accidently knocks the still on car into drive. Both girls are so focused on what they are doing, they don’t realize the car is slowly make it’s way down the inclined muddy lands and into the lake._

_“Fuck! Clarke the car is moving. We have to get up now!!” Lexa jumps up and grabs Clarke. Both girls hop over the car just in time to watch the car crash into the lake._

_“Oh shit.” Clarke says and looks over to Lexa. Lexa has a face of astonishment and pure terror on her face but Clarke just laughs. Here they are, naked as the day they were born with no clothes and no car (all of it in the lake). Lexa and Clarke will never forget their first time together that’s for sure._

__

“And with that, we will take a little break. Don’t go anywhere because the interview has just begun and there will be many twists and turns before this one ends. I’m Indra Porter and I am here with both halves of the Clexa whole. Stay tuned for more juicy details and declarations after the break.”

Indra is definitely right too. There is so much more too come. And contrary to what both girls have forced themselves to believe, their love story is not quite over yet.  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the interview. Lots of personal questions asked with lots of personal answers!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! I quickly typed this out in between classes and it went it a completely different direction than I planned but let's hope you like it regardless :) Sorry for any typos

The commercial break is hectic. Crew members are running with water bottles and quick makeup fixes. Indra’s assistant runs onstage to give the talk show host her cellphone since her husband Marcus kept calling. Lexa and Clarke are awkwardly staring out at the live audience, too afraid to look at the other. 

 

Lexa has tried very hard after their last meeting five years ago to move on. She never could though, so instead the brunette has settled to try and block out all things Clarke. Clarke is an author so she usually stays out of the media in comparison to Lexa who reluctantly is always in the middle of a media frenzy. Lexa heard about Clarke’s wedding to a Dr. Roan Winters on a snowy December day. She heard about the birth of Clarke’s son Aden Griffin. She has even seen pictures of the little family on Lincoln and Octavia’s fridge on the rare occasion she has the free time to visit her cousin and his wife. Aden has Clarke’s hair and her eyes. If Lexa can’t have Clarke, at least she knows her love is happy. It’s just heartbreaking that happiness isn’t with her.

 

Everyone gets back into positions and Lexa finally moves her gaze from the audience to Clarke to find the blonde already staring at her. Clarke has a soft smile but her eyes are loaded and emotional. Nervous and affectionate perhaps. And sad. Definitely sad. These type of reunions always are a special type of bittersweet.

 

“And we are back! During our break, my staff randomly chose fan questions from the audience. Since this interview ‘has no limits,’ the fans were encouraged to ask anything and everything on their minds. And let me tell you, some of these are very _very_ juicy.” Indra’s voice is collected and pristine. She has her stage presence perfected.

 

“Question number one is from Gracie. Gracie’s from Florida. Her question is to both Clarke and Lexa. How many people have you two hooked up with since the split?” Indra says in a juicy tone. Both Clarke and Lexa’s faces pale considerably and they refuse to make eye contact. They should have never agreed to the ‘no questions off limits’ clause.

 

The live audience lets out a collective ‘ooo’ mixed with some rowdy hollering. Both girls considerably pale and stare at their feet.

 

“Isn’t that extremely personal?” Lexa asks, a little irked that Indra (a close friend of hers) had the audacity to ask such a deeply intimate question to her and Clarke. Lexa is both dying to know the answer and hopes to never have to hear again about Clarke with someone other than her. 

 

“Hey you both said that no question is off limits.” Indra chuckles a little to try and ease tension. Lexa looks like she’s about to protest further when Clarke speaks up.

 

“Seven.” Clarke says quietly, refusing to look over at Lexa. Lexa’s eyes widen and she swallows down the tears threatening to spill. She definitely did not want to hear _that_. Seven other people have seen Clarke naked. Seven other people have her moans at climax and witnessed the beauty of her face mid orgasm. Seven more people have been with Clarke in a way that once only Lexa had. Lexa can feel the air leaving her body. She feels lightheaded. White hot jealousy course through her veins.

 

The crowd goes wild at Clarke’s admission. The blonde looks over at Lexa with an apologetic look and sad smile. This is hard for the both of them. They don’t want to picture the other with someone else. It’s all too much for the former couple.

 

“And how about you, Lexa??” Indra lightly probes, hoping she’s not pushing her luck.

 

“Four. I’ve been with four other people.” Lexa bluntly says, burning a hole in Indra’s face while she’s at it. Both her manager and Indra’s people will be hearing an earful later.

 

Clarke’s heart stops for a second and her stomach is in knots. She knows Lexa has been with other people. I mean it’s been years. Plus, a couple of years ago Lexa and some actress bitch Luna Simmons were all over the gossip magazines. Clarke was insanely jealous and she had no right to be. At this point, her and Roan were still in a good place..or so it seemed. He couldn’t understand why she still got so angry when she saw a magazine with Lexa and this Luna girl plastered on it.

 

“Four hmm. One of them being Luna Simmons, yes? Tell us why that love affair ended after only a few months. You two made a lovely pair.” Indra says sweetly.

 

“Luna is an amazing woman. We just realized we were better off as friends.” Lexa says truthfully. After Lexa find out Clarke had her baby, she wanted to drown herself in something or someone. That’s when Luna Simmons came into her life. Lexa was never one for one night stands and that’s one of the main reasons her sex life was lacking for the most part after the blonde. She just couldn't commit to another relationship. She only wanted Clarke. She was lonely and Clarke having a child with someone else cemented to Lexa that Clarke will never be hers again. Luna was her costar in a huge action film in New Zealand. The curly haired woman would flirt with her shamelessly so Lexa knew she was interested. Lexa got a call from Lincoln that Clarke gave birth to a boy and she started to cry, tears of happiness for her love and tears of sorrow for what they lost. Luna heard her outside her trailer and came in to comfort her. A bottle of whiskey later, they were in bed together. It became routine. It was about comfort and having somewhere there when they were lonely. Two months after the film ended, they called it quits. Both knew that their dalliance wouldn’t result in a relationship. Come to think of it, they are actually still good friends who occasionally share a night together. 

 

Lexa spares a glance over to Clarke. Clarke is playing with her hands, refusing to look at Lexa. Lexa squints her eyes a little. If she didn’t know any better, Clarke looks jealous. But Clarke is married to that surgeon last she heard. Right?

 

Indra nods her head, accepting the answer before turning her attention to Clarke. 

 

“So Clarke, seems like you’ve had your fair share of fun before settling down with your husband Roan Winters. How’s married life treating you two?” Indra asks, positive she’s asking a safe question. Truthfully, she feels bad for all the probing into her two close friends personal lives but it’s good television and her producers are forcing her to ask these questions.

 

But suddenly Clarke’s whole exterior changes. He straight posture falters slightly and she paints a fake smile on her face. Clarke takes a deep breath and looks over at a confused yet ever so curious Lexa. Lexa narrows her heads and takes in Clarke’s beautiful features. Those blue eyes she loves so are aching with defeat and sadness. Clarke looks like she’s about to drop a bomb.

 

“Me and Roan are separated as of a month ago. He is a good father and a compassionate man but we just don’t fit together. We both understand that now.” Clarke rasps out, her eyes never leaving Lexa’s. Lexa’s eyes widen almost comically. The green eye actresses heart starts beating wildly in her chest to the point where she thinks she’s going to explode if she doesn’t calm herself. Clarke and her husband are separated. Does this mean?... No it means nothing. This doesn’t mean her and Clarke could have their forever..does it?

 

The audience lets out a series of gasps and shocked expressions. Nobody could say this interview wasn’t interesting.

 

“Oh Clarke, I am so sorry.” Indra comfortingly grabs Clarke’s hand and squeezes reassuringly. Lexa just sits there absolutely dumbfounded, trying to process this revelation. She was so sure Clarke and her would never have their chance. But maybe someday? Lexa fought her feelings so hard for so long. And now. Well now, she can feel them bubbling at the surface yet again. Her love for Clarke was never far from her heart. Lexa tries to remind herself that just because Clarke is no longer with her husband, does not mean she wants Lexa back. But god. Lexa has hope again and that’s the most dangerous thing to give a hopeless romantic like herself. 

 

“It’s okay. It wasn’t meant to be. We are still good friends. I know people say that but it’s actually true. Our main focus is being the best parents we can for Aden. It’s an amicable split.” Clarke says and finally breaks her gaze with a still in shock Lexa. Clarke is smiling genuinely. Her and Roan weren’t meant to be, she knows that now. Secretly, she might have always known that. 

 

Lexa knows she shouldn’t be happy about this news. She truly wants Clarke to be happy and to find out she’s not, is heartbreaking. A little part of herself knows deep down that she might be the only one able to give Clarke that true happiness she hopes her love will one day find. But she quickly swallows that notion as fast as it enters her mind.

 

“Next question is from Francesca. Francesa is from Colorado. She’s asking you two: What’s the real reason behind your breakup?” Indra at least looks apologetic when she asks this one, knowing full well it’s a sore topic for both girl.  
“That’s extremely private but the truth is that..” Clarke says defensively and shakes her head. “Lexa and I...we grew apart. That’s all. Sometimes people just fall out of love with you.” Clarke says the last sentence quietly and it shatters Lexa’s composure. Indra looks over and can tell the actress is struggling with what Clarke just said and decides to change the conversation to lighter topics. She can’t torture them any longer. If her producers have a problem with it they’ll just have to shove it.

 

“Well onto other topics, I heard that you’re writing a new book! Care to share any details on that?” Indra lightly asks Clarke. Clarke is too busy worriedly staring at Lexa, who clearly has tears in her eyes. Indra tries but fails to get Clarke’s attention. 

 

“Clarke?” Indra asks again, her smile faltering a little. Maybe she pushed the former couple a little too far.

 

“I’m sorry. What did you say?” Clarke breaks out of her trance and looks back over at Indra.

 

“I was saying-” Indra starts talking but is cut off by Lexa’s hoarse emotional whisper.

 

“That’s not true.” Lexa confidently says and Clarke whips her head to stare at her.

 

“Lex…” Clarke says her name and it feels so natural.

 

“Do you really think I could ever stop loving you?” Lexa gently says as if the very notion of falling out of love with Clarke is impossible. And to Lexa, perhaps it is.

 

The crowd and Indra go eerily silent, intent on watching the former lovers have their first real meaningful conversation in much too long...on live television no less.

 

“I...I don’t really know. You just left me.” Clarke mumbles insecurely.

 

“It wasn’t because of a lack of love. God Clarke, have you thought I didn’t love you all this time? Even after that night in London?” Lexa asked, desperately wiping her few stray tears away. 

 

“Lexa we shouldn’t be talking like this on air.” Clarke tries but Lexa shakes her head.

 

“I don’t care what people think.” Lexa says firmly. She never has cared. Why start now?

 

“I..I’m not sure what I thought. You were gone. What was I supposed to think?”

 

“Lexa, why did you leave?” Indra asks, trying to get control of the interview again. Clearly, there was no turning back now.

 

Lexa closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She’s going to reveal everything now. It’s now or never. She never thought she would have such an intimate conversation with Clarke on public tv but that’s life. It’s messy and unexpected.

 

“I felt hollow and broken. I felt like a shell of a person and I pushed Clarke away because of it. It took me years to finally go see a doctor and that’s when I was diagnosed with depression. It’s by no means an excuse or ‘get out of jail free card’ per say. I left the love of my life and by the time I finally felt like me again..well, I was too late.” Lexa shakily says. She’s usually private about this but she needs it out in the open finally. She’s tired of living in the dark.

 

“Lexa oh my god.” Clarke gasps out and her hand flies to her mouth. “I had no idea.” Clarke says the words as if it’s an apology. Tears and mascara runs down her face.

 

“I didn’t want you to. I wanted you to live your life without any burdens.” Lexa sadly smiles and hesitantly inches closer to Clarke to wipe her tears away.

 

“Don’t you get it? You were never a burden. You were my everything. You didn’t just take away our fighting when you left Lexa, you took away my heart. I..I don’t think I ever got it back either.” Clarke says while staring ever so deeply in Lexa’s puffy eyes.

 

“What are you saying?” Lexa says breathlessly.

 

“I’m saying..” Clarke finally looks around the room and sees the audience on the edge of their seats, not a dry eye in the house..including Indra who is sniffling from her chair.

 

“I’m saying let’s get out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you in advance for any comments and kudos :) love you all

**Author's Note:**

> There will be 1-3 more chapters in this story depending on how much more plot I feel like throwing in there. What do y'all think of the story so far? I have most of the story planned so more background on both Clarke and Lexa's relationship will be revealed sooner than later.
> 
> I'd love to hear your opinions :) Hope you enjoyed this!


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